What If
by CarolsLightDarkConspiracy11
Summary: Kanda meditates on a blustery night. His close friend, Lenalee, sneaks in and tells him about her dream about her frightening past, and reveals much more than he'd ever thought...


Hello, everyone. This is my third fan fiction work. This time, it's about my favorite D. Gray Man characters, Kanda and Lenalee. Despite his being restricted to his artificial self and his lotus illusion, Kanda seems to hold a soft spot for Lenalee, even though it does not have to resemble love. This story was based on my pure imagination of what it would be like if Kanda actually had a straight conversation with her. This is NOT a pairing attempt. Well, anyways, enjoy! ^_^

Disclaimer: I do NOT own D. Gray Man. It rightfully belongs to its creator, Katsura Hoshino. I am merely a fan writing a fan fiction work about her characters.

**What If...**

On a blustery night, Kanda sat in his room, meditating as his long indigo locks brushed against his face. Thanks to his imperturbable concentration, nothing-absolutely NOTHING could stop him from his own place of resonance. Unless, of course, the _bean sprout_ interfered. Bah, who would care? After all, nothing could stop the great Kanda tonight.

The door hinged a little, followed by a slight push. Lenalee stealthily tiptoed in, and sat crisscrossed next to Kanda. Her eyes flickered towards him, worried whether she had been caught sneaking in. Believing that she had not, she softly smiled, curled her two forefingers, and slowly shut her eyes. As she did, all senses in existence beyond the logical mind were shut away.

The room was eerily quiet. The burgundy curtains twisted and turned in a rippling movement, yet made no sound. No cicada cried, either. The wind was demanding and forceful -but strangely let these two have their way.

"You think that I didn't see you coming in?"

Lenalee didn't jump or even shift but her augmented eyes told all. She let out a convulsive laugh, her eyebrows each slanting in a downward slope.

"You caught me again..." Lenalee sighed, letting her fingers fall onto her now kneeling legs.

Kanda shifted his eyes sideways, then let them fall back into half moons once more as he sighed back.

"Is it that guy again?"

"No! Not at all. I just had trouble sleeping, that's all...But you know something, Kanda?"

Kanda seemed remotely interested, "Eh?" He unconsciously let one eye open towards her direction.

"Well, to be honest," Lenalee started, her eyes fading into her bangs, a shade of darkness streaked across her upper face, "I had that dream. You know, the usual dream I have-of that day, I mean."

Kanda said nothing. This was her personal problem. Why would she say these things to him? But he had to listen. Deep inside, he knew that he had to. But…

"Che, I've gone through worse…"

"But today I've decided to let it all fall back into history," Lenalee declared, with a fabricated smile.

Kanda froze. Of all the times he'd spent with Lenalee, he had never, in the slightest moment, heard her out like this. Not like this.

_This is not Lenalee._

"We'll all be erased from history itself, anyways. All of us will fade away forever."

_I know you better than anyone, Lenalee. You're not like this._

"I still have Komui. And everyone else around me. But we will all forget each other as we fade away."

Kanda turned his head towards her, his expression stiffening in disbelief. He let his other eye open, only to get a clearer view of her façade. Her eyebrows remained as downward slopes. Before Lenalee could open her eyes, Kanda abruptly sunk his, swiftly whipping his head towards the opposite direction.

"Follow me."

Kanda lifted himself from the floor, silently stepping towards the door.

Soon, the two were outside, a vast indigo setting cast before them-as if it were a diorama with a "real" world of its own-with gleaming stars, the purple field, and all.

Kanda stood rigidly, slightly drawn in by the atmosphere. He drew back in the bitter wind, then forcibly exhaled, thin red lines forming on his bottom lip. He was irrevocably lost in thought, yet recovering not from the cuts on his lip, but from HER words.

"What if."

"Kanda?"

"What if we didn't die _yet_?"

Lenalee sunk her head. She

"Look at the stars."

Lenalee hesitated a little, then lifted her head. The next thing, her eyes were dotted with bright yellow orbs, slowly absorbing her into the world of constellations above.

"I never knew that stars were this spectacular. I never cared for the world around me. I only cared about myself."

"Stars are ephemeral. They eventually die out from existence. But the question is, when are they?"

"Says the dumbest one of our league," Lenalee joked, blowing a sphere into her right cheek.

Kanda let out a "What" as his face was marked with an apparent mask of rage. But in front of Lenalee he knew he had to restrain himself.

"My point is that we don't know when we will die. I, too, know that I will die. But what's the point. I am merely a shell created by mankind. I feel disgusted for attempting to reach a real human like this," Kanda spoke, his head now turning back towards Lenalee, "That's why I don't get close to anyone. I don't fit in. I'm not important."

Lenalee stared in deep shock, for she now learned of the true Kanda. A shooting star zoomed by

"So wake up and stay the strong woman you are. Everyone has his share of problems."

The two stood there, as silently and solidly as the tranquil setting amongst them. Another shooting star freely glided over to the eastern horizon. Lenalee trembled in tension. Everything started to drift back to her-the sight of blaze, children running around screaming for their families who were then equivalent to the wooden beams slowly burning away… Her own parents were akin to wooden puppets being hurled towards a furnace of despair… Streams of tears uncontrollably spilled from her eyes.

She was embarrassed to face Kanda like this. She tried so hard to cover herself from his sight. But she couldn't run. She couldn't run…

Kanda's expression remained stiff. After all, he was artificial-a manmade shell. What could he do? But he had the heart to say, "And I do, too."

"You have no one. I still have my brother. I feel so wretched like this."

Kanda said nothing. He wasn't important enough to have anything consoling to say. He left her crying on her knees-yet his heart deemed him guilty as charged. His guilt rushed through his manmade veins and thorough his manmade heart-yet did not find remorse in his words. He was right, after all.

Kanda returned to his room alone. The wind now subsided, and the chirping of cicadas returned. The curtains hung stiffly. Despite his legendary "imperturbable" concentration, he discovered the real truth tonight. To simply put, SOMETHING could stop him from his place of resonance. And it did.

But that wasn't the only thing he learned tonight.

Kanda blew out the small candle in the corner. As he did, Lenalee slowly drifted into his mind. Somewhere deep within his heart, he felt something rather…strange about doing so.

Another shooting star fell. The cicadas continued crying.

He smiled.


End file.
